When your therapist gets triggered
I needed to step away this week after a session.
I canceled my supervision session and decided to take a walk instead. It doesn’t happen often, but sitting in the emotions of someone else’s experience brought up some not so fond memories of my own.
I grew up in a pretty authoritarian household (not to be confused with authoritative), where obedience was expected, asking questions wasn’t an option, and discipline was led by fear of punishment. To put it lightly- at best I would be yelled or screamed at, and at worst, I’d be trying to figure out how to hide the soon-to-be bruise by the time I got to school. Some of those experiences came up for me, and I needed the walk to move through the emotions and regulate before I saw the next client (I did also eat like 4 rice crispy bars but we are working on that).
Some therapists won’t openly admit this, but yes, we do get triggered in session sometimes. Especially if your therapist has been through some sh*t. Even with all the training, experience, boundaries, and supervision, we are still human. Being human means we have our own histories, nervous systems, and blind spots that can get activated.
We don’t talk about this enough in the field, probably because of the stigma and there’s still this outdated idea that therapists are supposed to be these calm, endlessly regulated, neutral beings. However, if your therapist is a real human, self-aware, and actually doing their own work, there’s a good chance they’ve been triggered before.
So What Does “Triggered” Even Mean?
A trigger is a nervous system response, not just a feeling of being upset. It’s a moment where something hits too close to home. It might stir up an old wound or a personal memory. It might feel like something is hijacking your attention or emotions out of nowhere.
For therapists, that might look like:
A sudden wave of anger, sadness, shame, or anxiety
Getting emotionally flooded or completely checked out
Feeling defensive or personally attacked
Struggling to stay present or grounded
Wanting to fix, over-function, shut down, or redirect the session
It’s not always visible and most of us are trained to stay composed, even when something lands hard. I like to use the analogy of a thermos- you can touch the outside and it feels neutral, but you have no idea whether the inside contents are hot or cold. This can be very helpful in the moment (to compartmentalize) but internally, there’s usually something that needs to be processed afterwards.
What Causes It?
It varies, but here are a few common triggers for therapists:
A client’s story mirrors our own past trauma or losses
A dynamic starts to feel eerily familiar (like a past relationship, family member, or abuser)
The therapist feels helpless, overwhelmed, or responsible for a client’s pain
The client unknowingly pokes at something the therapist hasn’t fully worked through
Therapists aren’t blank slates and we’re not above experiencing painful emotions. It’s like the hurt you feel when you watch the Sarah McLachlan animal abuse commercials (anyone remember trying to change the channel as fast as possible?). Except in session, we can’t change the channel and we have to do our best to remain tuned in.
Many of us became therapists because of what we’ve been through. If we are not actively tending to our own stuff, or if something new surfaces in our lives, it can sneak into the room.
What Happens Next?
If your therapist is doing their job (and I mean really doing it) they won’t make you feel the burden or project it onto your experience.
Here’s what a responsible therapist will do:
Stay grounded as best they can in the moment (even if they’re activated)
Refocus the session back to you
Seek supervision or consultation after the fact
Journal, reflect, or process it in their own therapy
Repair with you if something was said or done that felt off or unclear
Most of the time, you won’t even know it happened. If it does impact the session in any way, a good therapist will ideally own it and make efforts to understand how the therapeutic relationship may shift moving forward.
Why This Matters
You deserve to know that your therapist isn’t perfect and getting triggered isn’t uncommon. We are trained to create safe spaces for you to bring the heaviest of emotions and experiences. The important part is how your therapist handles the trigger, and noticing the red flags of ignoring it, denying it, or letting it bleed into the work without reflection.
As a therapist, my job isn’t to be some unshakable rock with zero emotional response. I’ve had sessions where a few tears have come through because of the deep hurt someone has endured, and I’ve felt heat in my chest and face when I’m angry about how they were treated.
My job is to be responsible with my reactions, aware of my blind spots (hence why you’ll never see me doing couples counseling- I’m so good on that, no thank you), and committed to my own personal growth. That’s how I stay clear, present, and effective with the people I sit with, session after session.
from your temperature regulated thermos therapist,
Morgan
