On being a therapist, running a business, and learning that showing up doesn't have to mean doing it all.
Well, it's been a heckin long time since I've written a blog post. Between seeing clients, running a business, managing the behind-the-scenes responsibilities, and trying to have an actual life outside of work, blogging and other less important tasks made their way down the priority list. For a while, there was that little voice in the back of my head:
“You really should be posting more.”
“You should be keeping up with your website.”
“You should sign up for that new training.”
“You should be doing more marketing and networking.”
“You should be budgeting and saving more.”
You know, just the never-ending list of things as an adult that you continually feel like you’re falling behind on. Lately I've been thinking about how much pressure we put on ourselves to show up at 110% in every area of our lives, all the time, and how unrealistic that actually is.
You Can't Be Everything, Everywhere, All at Once
Something I've been learning as a business owner is that just because something is important doesn't mean it has to be the priority right now.
Marketing is important. Blogging is important. Building systems, growing a team, keeping up with administrative work, seeing clients, maintaining relationships, taking care of your health.
All important.
However, they can't all be the most important thing at the same time.
There are seasons when I'm more focused on growing the business. Other times, I need to focus on strengthening the systems that are already in place before making another spreadsheet or buying another planner that is going to fix everything (and then in 3 months do it all over again). What has actually been a helpful shift for me is putting more of my attention towards places that have absolutely nothing to do with work. My health, relationships, and just hanging out in the grass with my doggo.
That doesn't mean I've stopped caring about the other things, I’ve just gotten much more intentional about where my time and energy are best spent. I think there's a pretty big difference between avoiding something out of anxiety or fear, and intentionally putting it on pause to step away for a moment.
The Same Thing Applies to Being a Therapist
I've also been thinking about this in relation to my work as a clinician.
I don't leave every therapy session thinking I absolutely nailed it. There are times I wish I would've asked a different question, offered a different intervention, or explained something a little better. I like to think my analogies are pretty good, but sometimes I end a session and I’m like “what the hell did the Kool-Aid man man have to do with emotions?” The reality is, I'm human, too. Shocker, I know. I'm not going to have the perfect response every time. I'm not going to deliver some groundbreaking intervention in every session.
What I can do though, is be prepared. I can listen. I can be present, pay attention, and continue working to become a better clinician. I can keep showing up consistently. That matters way more than I think we sometimes give ourselves credit for.
Maybe Doing Enough Is Actually Enough
I've been trying to apply that same perspective to the rest of my life.
It’s so easy to fall into the mindset that if you're capable of doing more, you should be doing more. This is often where I fall into my own mind traps:
If you have an extra hour, you should be productive.
If your business is doing well, you should be growing faster.
If you haven't posted on social media, written a blog, or checked something off your list, you should probably get on that.
But according to whom? And at what expense? I've had to remind myself that I can care about something without constantly working on it. How to reframe some of those thought traps if you find yourself there:
I can be committed to my business without giving it every available hour of my life.
I can be a good therapist without having the perfect thing to say in every conversation.
I can decide that something is good enough for right now, even if I know I could make it better with another three hours of work.
Because those three hours have to come from somewhere. You can’t squeeze more juice out of a lemon (or whatever they say). Instead of stressing about what MORE I could be doing, I'd rather spend them doing something that’s actually restorative so I can show up for the future hours I know that will be important.
What I'm Learning About Priorities
I think one of the biggest shifts for me has been moving away from asking:
How do I fit everything in?
And instead asking:
What actually needs my attention right now? What can wait?
What am I doing because it's important, and what am I doing because I feel like I should?
Am I choosing this because it aligns with my priorities, or because I feel guilty when I'm not doing enough?
Those questions have been helpful both personally and professionally, and the answers do change depending on the circumstances. What deserves more of my attention this month might look completely different six months from now. That's not necessarily a lack of consistency, I think it's just being willing to adjust.
I will add, none of this means we should stop putting effort into the things that matter. There are responsibilities we have to follow through on, especially when other people depend on us. But I want to believe there's a difference between being responsible and expecting yourself to operate at maximum capacity in every area of your life indefinitely.
So, Anyway, Here I Am Writing a Blog Again
Maybe I'll get back to writing more regularly, maybe I'll have another stretch where something else takes priority. Either way, I don't think I need to turn it into some personal failure.
The blog was still here when I came back to it. While I wasn't writing, I was doing plenty of other things that mattered.
I think we could all benefit from giving ourselves a little more permission to recognize that. Going against the hustle culture of capitalism:
You can be committed without being consumed.
You can make progress without doing everything at once.
You can have things left on your to-do list and still decide you've done enough for the day.
And maybe, just maybe, you don't need to be operating at 110% to be doing a pretty damn good job.
your recovering hustle culture therapist,
Morgan
